Would you give me some advice and tell me what is considered appropriate or the standard here?
First up, I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS UPCOMING WEDDING.
I am thrilled that Frog will be an eternal member of our family. She is an absolutely fabulous addition.
Now the dilemma is that her family situation is such that her mom lost custody of her and her sibling, her aunt raised her, but freaked out when she moved on her own to be closer to work, She doesn't speak to them and they aren't very appropriate or safe for her. One of her sisters came into work and was yelling at her because Frog wasn't able to get off work for another sister's birthday. The other sister didn't mind.
So that's a little snap shot of what Frog has been dealing with. How it affects her is that she has no family to help, or that she wants involved, with the wedding.
Since I am the groom's mom I haven't given much thought to what the bride's family is responsible for.
Here is where you come in. (Lauren and Nancy Face, being the most recent to pull this off, I am expecting great advice from both of you.)
For those of you who are familiar with LDS marriages this will be easier.
We will have the sealing in the morning (date is as of yet undecided- it will be summer or early fall- just not solidified yet) the reception will be in the evening with a dance following.
Why yes I am OCD about planning and have already begun to make the list of invitees.
Want and invite? Email my your address. Link is on the left in the side bar.
Back to business
Do we do a luncheon in between?
Who do we invite?
We are so not financially ready for this so I've tightened down the budget immensely. We will be ready when it happens. We already have many ideas and plans in place. Just waiting for the budget to catch up ;)
**I am feeling very sorrowful for my friend Yvonne and her family. Her MIL returned home yesterday night to Heaven. They are grieving the loss of a great lady which Yvonne eloquently writes about here. Go over and leave her some kind words, will you?
Easy Chicken Tacos
12 years ago
8 comments:
There will probably be some awkward situations, considering the things you've mentioned about Frog's family relationships. Do you anticipate any financial assistance with the wedding festivities from her family members? If not, your family will be covering everything. In that case, simplicity can be a very good thing! :)
I have no experience with being the mother of the groom and being responsible for so much, but my advice would be to take the lead from Frog and Oldest. What is really important to them? Do they WANT a luncheon after their temple wedding? (It's not required at all...you could just take the happy couple somewhere and buy them some lunch so they don't pass out from hunger, haha!) If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't want to add the stress of a luncheon to all of the other responsibilities of the day. It's A LOT to fit in, and you want to enjoy and remember the happiness of their wedding day...not just collapse from exhaustion! If they DO want a luncheon, it would be great if you could delegate the preparation to your relatives! As for who to invite, it could be just the closest friends and relatives from BOTH sides, or it could be more extended than that. Find out what is important to Frog and Oldest! :)
I start planning the instant I know about something, too. :)
I've never been the mother of a bride or groom, but I've attend several LDS temple weddings. Many have a lunch, many do not. It's such a busy day, there's no real reason to add one more thing to it. But I agree with Nancy Face; what do THEY want? If they do want a luncheon, I think it should be immediate family and the bridal party only.
Nancy- Adding to my dilemma is that they are really easy going and don't care. They love that I am planning. I ask them all the time about what they want and if I don't narrow down my choices then they give me the deer in the headlights stare. So I have been surfing the web and printing off choices and then I hand them the stuff and say let me know what you want.
It is presumed that there will be no financial assistance from her family. They got mad when she didn't get all of her mail forwarded to her new place within a week! Really? My kids never change their mailing address and it give them a reason to come see me more often:)
I'll pose it them to them and see what they say. I'm just wanting to have a nice wedding for them without extreme cost.
Sariah- It is good to hear that many do not have a luncheon. I think I was most worried about not doing something that was expected.
My advice would be to figure ou
t what you and the Mr. can contribute, and then sit Oldest and Frog down and say something like, "We have $X to help you with this wedding. I'm sure we can do almost everything you want---we just might need to be creative. If you want an incredible dress, your flower budget will probably need to be pretty small." Then if people ask what they can do to help, tell them the bride is looking for someone who might make alterations or bridesmaids' dresses cheaply or who can arrange flowers and make centerpieces. I think keeping the couple informed and feeling like they're part of the team to find the best deals for their dream wedding will help them understand where you're coming from. I'm sure they know that the marriage is more important than the wedding, but every girl wants a dream wedding. It's a hard thing to balance.
I think K's advice about "here's the budget--pick your priorities" is very good.
The last thing you want is to start a relationship with your DIL that is fraught with bad feelings. She is certainly grateful to have in-laws who will help out.
I have heard of in-laws who send the other set a bill of what they "owe". If you get desperate.... :) Kidding.
This is the first of MANY financial lessons these young people are going to learn. That you will help them do it graciously is a blessing.
When D and I got married, my parents didn't have the money to help out with a lot of the costs. We went very simply and everything was planned out by D and myself. Everything was simple. The dress, the food (we just did cake, punch, mints and nuts). My brother-in-law does photography as a hobby (and he is good at it) so he did our pics. My sister did the flowers, a family friend did the cake as a gift to us. Really, the only costs were the dress and tux, and I think we paid for the fabric for the bridesmaids dresses. Most of the costs came out of our own pocket. My parents helped my sister pay for the flowers and we paid for the rest. It was okay that it was simple. The sealing was what mattered, and the people that came to our reception came because they loved us, not because they wanted to attend a fancy gathering, so simple was also okay with them.
My BIL and SIL did a dinner the night before the wedding instead of a luncheon the day of- and I loved the idea. Less pressure on the day of the wedding, but still having a meal together with the families (in your case it might just be your family). Any way- I just thought you might like to add that to your idea list. My inlaw family has also had several luncheons at the church when money was tighter and we all pitched in with salads and soups- those were a lot more fun and casual than those we have done at resturants like the Lion House or such.
You are so sweet, klin, thank you for the sweet words.
I think what everyone says is perfect. I watch so many people where we live go way, way, way overboard and have sit down dinners. I think everyone should do what they can. Things do not have to be elaborate AT ALL. I think a nice meal with just the family (which I know in this case is a concern) is all that is needed--you could do it the night before. (And the meal doesn't have to be at a restaurant). Cake and punch at the restaurant is sufficient.
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